Unfortunately,
self-control is a difficult skill to rely on. Self-control is so
fleeting for most people that when Martin Seligman and his colleagues at
the University of Pennsylvania surveyed two million people and asked
them to rank order their strengths in 24 different skills, self-control
ended up in the very bottom slot.
And when your self-control leaves something to be desired, so does your productivity.
Since
self-control is something we could all use a little help with, I went
back to the data to uncover the kinds of things that emotionally
intelligent people do to keep themselves productive and in control. They
consciously apply these twelve behaviors because they know they work.
Some are obvious, others counter-intuitive, but all will help you
minimize those pesky failures to boost your productivity.
They Forgive Themselves:
A
vicious cycle of failing to control oneself followed by feeling intense
self-hatred and disgust is common in attempts at self-control. These
emotions typically lead to over-indulging in the offending behavior.
When you slip up, it is critical that you forgive yourself and move on.
Don’t ignore how the mistake makes you feel; just don’t wallow in it.
Instead, shift your attention to what you’re going to do to improve
yourself in the future.
Failure
can erode your self-confidence and make it hard to believe you’ll
achieve a better outcome in the future. Most of the time, failure
results from taking risks and trying to achieve something that isn’t
easy. Emotionally intelligent people know that success lies in their
ability to rise in the face of failure, and they can’t do this when
they’re living in the past. Anything worth achieving is going to require
you to take some risks, and you can’t allow failure to stop you from
believing in your ability to succeed. When you live in the past, that is
exactly what happens, and your past becomes your present, preventing
you from moving forward.
They Don’t Say Yes Unless They Really Want To:
Research
conducted at the University of California in San Francisco shows that
the more difficulty that you have saying no, the more likely you are to
experience stress, burnout, and even depression, all of which erode
self-control. Saying no is indeed a major self-control challenge for
many people. “No” is a powerful word that you should not be afraid to
wield. When it’s time to say no, emotionally intelligent people avoid
phrases like “I don’t think I can” or “I’m not certain.” Saying no to a
new commitment honors your existing commitments and gives you the
opportunity to successfully fulfill them. Just remind yourself that
saying no is an act of self-control now that will increase your future
self-control by preventing the negative effects of over commitment.
They Don’t Seek Perfection:
Emotionally
intelligent people won’t set perfection as their target because they
know it doesn’t exist. Human beings, by our very nature, are fallible.
When perfection is your goal, you’re always left with a nagging sense of
failure that makes you want to give up or reduce your effort. You end
up spending your time lamenting what you failed to accomplish and what
you should have done differently instead of moving forward excited about
what you've achieved and what you will accomplish in the future.
They Focus On Solutions:
Where
you focus your attention determines your emotional state. When you
fixate on the problems that you’re facing, you create and prolong
negative emotions which hinder self-control. When you focus on the
actions you'll take to better yourself and your circumstances, you
create a sense of personal efficacy that produces positive emotions and
improves performance. Emotionally intelligent people won’t dwell on
problems because they know they’re most effective when they focus on
solutions.
They Avoid Asking “What If?”
“What
if?” statements throw fuel on the fire of stress and worry, which are
detrimental to self-control. Things can go in a million different
directions, and the more time you spend worrying about the
possibilities, the less time you’ll spend taking action and staying
productive (staying productive also happens to calm you down and keep
you focused). Productive people know that asking “what if? will only
take them to a place they don’t want—or need—to go. Of course, scenario
planning is a necessary and effective strategic planning technique. The
key distinction here is to recognize the difference between worry and
strategic thinking.
They Stay Positive:
Positive
thoughts help you exercise self-control by focusing your brain’s
attention onto the rewards you will receive for your effort. You have to
give your wandering brain a little help by consciously selecting
something positive to think about. Any positive thought will do to
refocus your attention. When things are going well, and your mood is
good, self-control is relatively easy. When things are going poorly, and
your mind is flooded with negative thoughts, self-control is a
challenge. In these moments, think about your day and identify one
positive thing that happened, or will happen, no matter how small. If
you can't think of something from the current day, reflect on the past
and look to the future. The point here is that you must have something
positive that you're ready to shift your attention to when your thoughts
turn negative, so that you don't lose focus.
They Sleep:
When
you're tired, your brain's ability to absorb glucose is greatly
diminished. This makes it difficult to control the impulses that derail
your focus. What’s more, without enough sleep you are more likely to
crave sugary snacks to compensate for low glucose levels. So, if you’re
trying to exert self-control over your eating, getting a good night’s
sleep—every night—is one of the best moves you can make.
They Exercise:
Getting
your body moving for as little as 10 minutes releases GABA, a
neurotransmitter that makes your brain feel soothed and keeps you in
control of your impulses. If you’re having trouble resisting the impulse
to walk over to the office next door to let somebody have it, just keep
on walking. You should have the impulse under control by the time you
get back.
They Meditate:
Meditation
actually trains your brain to become a self-control machine. Even
simple techniques like mindfulness, which involves taking as little as
five minutes a day to focus on nothing more than your breathing and your
senses, improves your self-awareness and your brain’s ability to resist
destructive impulses. Buddhist monks appear calm and in control for a
reason. Give it a try.
They Ride the Wave:
Desire
and distraction have the tendency to ebb and flow like the tide. When
the impulse you need to control is strong, waiting out this wave of
desire is usually enough to keep yourself in control. When you feel as
if you must give in, the rule of thumb here is to wait at least 10
minutes before succumbing to temptation. You’ll often find that the
great wave of desire is now little more than a ripple that you have the
power to step right over.
They Squash Negative Self-Talk:
A
big final step in exercising self-control involves stopping negative
self-talk in its tracks. The more you ruminate on negative thoughts, the
more power you give them. Most of our negative thoughts are just
that—thoughts, not facts. When you find yourself believing the negative
and pessimistic things your inner voice says, it's time to stop and
write them down. Literally stop what you're doing and write down what
you're thinking. Once you've taken a moment to slow down the negative
momentum of your thoughts, you will be more rational and clear-headed in
evaluating their veracity.
You
can bet that your statements aren’t true any time you use words like
“never,” “worst,” “ever,” etc. If your statements still look like facts
once they’re on paper, take them to a friend or colleague you trust and
see if he or she agrees with you. Then the truth will surely come out.
When it feels like something always or never happens, this is just your
brain’s natural threat tendency inflating the perceived frequency or
severity of an event. Identifying and labeling your thoughts as thoughts
by separating them from the facts will help you escape the cycle of
negativity and move toward a positive new outlook.
Putting These Strategies to Work
The
important thing to remember is you have to give these strategies the
opportunity to work. This means recognizing the moments where you are
struggling with self-control and, rather than giving in to impulse,
taking a look at these strategies and giving them a go before you give
in.
No comments :
Post a Comment